Picture this. You have your weekly one on one. Your team member promises to complete the inventory report for the project by next week. Next week arrives and it’s not done. What do you say? Is it, ‘Why didn’t you complete the report?’ If you’re like most leaders, that’s exactly what you’d say. Or at least, it’s what you want to say.
We won!
I saw the call for the awards email and deleted it… Three times.
Then I had a conversation with my client about how well the current Coaching skills program was going. I was feeling quite chuffed!
Then I saw the award email again, and this time I read it.
We know that diverse teams deliver the goods. Science knows it. Academia knows it. And anyone who’s worked on a diverse team knows it. But what we don't’ talk enough about, is how it feels to be a part of this diversity. If we are doing our job, showing up with ideas, challenging other team members, and generally pushing ourselves and each other to be brilliant, then diversity feels difficult. There is push back. There is scepticism. There is discomfort. BUT...if we can just hang in there long enough, trust our colleagues enough, and have faith that we all want to make a positive difference, then we can reap the rewards that diversity offers.
Today I turn 48 (and mark 18 years as an independent consultant in communication dynamics – Wahoo!). Feeling nostalgic about my life, my mind has wandered to my early jobs, and how they shaped my work today. I figured you might get a laugh out of these early jobs so I’m sharing some here. (I guarantee you’ll be surprised by some!)
Have you ever noticed that when people don't apologise for doing you wrong (big or small), it makes the wrong so much worse... and harder to forgive?
If someone bumps into you aggressively and doesn't say sorry, the slight feels far worse than if they bump into you and then fall over themselves to apologise. Funny isn't it.
But, as I explain in my latest article, the anger you feel toward them is only doing you harm. Hmmm, food for thought....
What's the most effective communication style? When it comes to communication styles, I’ve noticed a human tendency to register two main styles, your own style, and the ‘wrong style’. That’s right. The style you are comfortable with, and the style you are uncomfortable with, no matter what that style is.
In reality, we are not registering the ‘wrong’ style so much, as one that is just different from our own. And the problem with this difference is that we have to work so much harder to hear through that different style in order to get to the substance.
The mark of a great communicator is someone who is flexible. Someone who can adapt their communication style and connect on any level, with any other style.
We know that communication is a two-way street. But just because you’ve spoken and the other person has replied, doesn’t mean real communication has occurred. The key for leaders is to figure out how they are being heard, so they can ensure their team members are hearing their ‘meaning’ and not just their ‘message’. The two are not always the same.
This is a common frustration for many leaders. Did they hear me? Did they really understand the importance? Was I not clear enough in my messaging, or did they just not get it?
A good way to double check your delivery, is to check in with what was received to see if there were any gaps between your message and your meaning, based on how the other person heard you.
Read on to see the list of questions you can ask to check for understanding, before it's too late.
When do you ignore feedback?
How do you know what feedback to ignore, and what feedback to accept?
It's not always easy to discern the quality of feedback you receive at work, and often it takes practice to get it right.
If you've ever struggled with rejecting feedback, or are confused about the validity of the feedback you're receiving, run it through the feedback filter that I describe in my article.
Solo dining – the extreme sport of self connection - Breakfast, lunch and dinner, all alone, for 4 days. Every meal, on my own. No phone, no book, no companion, nothing. This was my conscious choice when I attended a retreat weekend to relax, rejuvenate and reconnect, a few years ago. The solo dining experience is a great way to find out how you are feeling in the moment. Could you sit in a restaurant for 45 minutes with nothing to do, whilst waiting for your meal? Maybe. Could you do it without feeling self-conscious, bored, embarrassed, frustrated, fidgety? Maybe not. And yet it’s the ultimate extreme sport when it comes to presence, connection and really being with yourself.
Privilege is a topic getting a lot of attention right now. We talk about it in relation to race, to gender, to class, to nationality, to sexual identity, to ability, and the list goes on. But no matter what form of privilege we refer to, there is an invisible element to privilege that can make those with it, feel like they don’t have it. You see, privilege is not just something that makes your life easier, it’s also something that doesn’t make your life harder. It's an interesting concept to get your head around. In the article below, I share some examples of what I mean, and more importantly what to do about it.
Need to boost your impact on a video call? You’re not alone. There are many ways to be more engaging on a video call, but none of them matter if you don’t do this one thing. Boosting your impact on a call with this simple, but powerful, trick takes practice, but it’s worth it. Check out the video for more info and a little demo.
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