We’re in the Teams breakout room.
I’m being the ‘fly on the wall’ facilitator, watching a leader coach another leader.
I watch his face.
I see his inner struggle and then I hear the inevitable questions:
"Did you try asking Terry for help?”
“Yeah, but they said they couldn’t spare any resources right now.”
“Could you escalate the situation to your manager?”
“Not really. We’ve already been told there is not more funding.”
“Have you raised it at the town hall?”
“No way! I saw my colleague do that recently and it didn't go well.”
*Blank face from the coach. Internal cogs are turning.*
Our coach has fallen into the trap I see so many new coaches fall into. He is trying to SOLVE the problem and offer his next solution. But he’s out of ideas. He doesn’t know how to solve the problem, or what to suggest next. And so, he draws a blank. And that’s a good indicator that you are not coaching, you are telling in disguise.
What’s going on?
As part of the work I do, specialising in Communication Dynamics and helping people be heard at work, I run coaching skills programs for leaders. Call me biased (I have been a professional coach for almost twenty years), but I believe coaching skills are the skills of the future – and not just for leaders, but for parents, partners, teachers, trainers, and anyone wanting to be a more effective and persuasive communicator.
In my programs, I often have leaders who think they are doing coaching on a day-to-day basis, but find out very quickly, once they start the program, that they have been telling people what to do rather than asking them what they want to do. The leaders think they are coaching because they have an intention to help their person, AND they are using questions. Or so they think…
When a question isn’t a question
Good coaching questions are open questions. They usually begin with ‘what’, ‘how’, ‘who’, ‘where’, ‘when’, etc. They invite the person to find their own answer; to think for themselves.
A question that is not a great coaching question, is a closed question. A closed question has a yes or no response. The questions from our coach in the breakout room, were all closed questions. And it was clear that the coach had actions they wanted their team member to take.
Other closed questions start with:
“Have you tried…?”
“Could you try…?”
“Did you try…?”
“Would you try…?”
“Why don't you try…?”
“Will you try…?”
Closed questions are useful for certain purposes in coaching (mainly clarifying and closing the session down), but for leaders learning to coach, we need to avoid them as much as possible in order to break the habit of telling.
How can you tell if you’re coaching or not?
The upshot of the distinction between closed and open questions, is that it can tell us if we are actually coaching our people to explore their own ideas and solutions, or if we are feeding them answers they can try, through closed questions.
If you draw a blank in what your team member could try next, chances are you’ve been using closed questions to guide them towards your solution.
If this happens…
Stop. Take a breath. And try an open question instead.
Here are some you can practice with:
“What have you tried already?”
“How have you solved this before?”
“What’s the real challenge here?”
Let me know how you go!