I can’t stop thinking about a post I read recently by Julian Mather. It’s been living rent-free in my mind ever since.
Julian shared that Sam Altman, the founder of OpenAI, mentioned it costs tens of millions of dollars' worth of electricity when people say “please” and “thank you” to ChatGPT. Julian was wrestling with a dilemma: should he stop being polite to a human-like agent he’s built a relationship with, simply to save a few electrons?
It didn’t feel right to him. And you know what? It doesn’t feel right to me either.
At first glance, sure, you could argue that being polite to AI helps train these agents to mirror humanity and to preserve civility. But if you scratch the surface, there’s something deeper, something far more profound happening.
It’s not just about training the machines to be more human. It’s about training ourselves to stay human.
Let me explain. When I’m polite to you, even when you’re in a foul mood, I’m not just doing it because it’s the "nice" thing to do. I’m doing it to protect me. My emotional state. My wellbeing. My sense of who I am.
Because if I let your bad mood infect me — if I let anger, rudeness or indifference take up residence in my mind — the only real casualty is me. It’s the same reason why, when I’m angry at someone, I have to remind myself: holding onto that rage does more harm to my own spirit, my own health, my own humanity, than it ever could to them.
To be civil is not simply to be courteous for the benefit of others. It’s an act of self-preservation. It’s an act of defiance. It’s a daily choice to stay human.
And it’s contagious.
So when we stop saying "please" and "thank you" — even to a machine — we risk more than a slightly higher electricity bill. We chip away at our own humanity. We slide, ever so subtly, towards a colder, more clinical way of being. A way of being that feels... robotic.
Which begs the question: Who is training whom here? Are we teaching AI agents to be more human — or are they teaching us to be less so?
This is why Julian’s discomfort is so important. On some deep, visceral level, he recognised that it’s not just about politeness for politeness’ sake. It's about protecting the very thing that makes us human: our ability to feel, to care, to act with conscious kindness even when — especially when — it might be easier not to.
It’s about sending out a signal to the world — and yes, even to the machines — that we are people who choose connection over convenience, empathy over efficiency, humanity over hard logic.
It’s why we survived in tribes. It’s why we thrive in communities. It’s why we can’t afford to lose the simple but profound gestures that say, "I see you. I respect you. I’m here with you."
So yes, maybe saying "please" and "thank you" costs us a few cents' worth of electricity. But losing our humanity? That would cost us everything.