Every workplace has that person. You know the one. The person who is incredibly smart, full of great ideas, but difficult to work with. They dominate conversations, dismiss others, and create friction in the team. Their talent is undeniable, but their attitude is exhausting.
Many leaders and team members respond in one of two ways:
1. Avoiding them - staying quiet, keeping the peace, and letting them bulldoze conversations.
2. Challenging them - pushing back, shutting them down, and escalating the conflict.
Neither approach works particularly well. Avoidance allows the behaviour to continue, and confrontation often makes it worse. So, what's the alternative?
The "Fuel Their Fire" Approach
Years of working one on one with my coaching clients has taught me that the very thing needed to address this, is usually the last thing we consider doing.
We need to validate them and give them positive feedback! Yep.
What?!?! I hear you cry.
“Why on earth would I encourage their bad behaviour?”
It’s a reasonable question and everyone asks it.
So, here’s the theory behind this strange, but highly effective, approach.
All behaviour is motivated. If you can find what is driving the behaviour you can redirect it to a more resourceful expression.
Rather than resisting their energy, redirect it. When people feel the need to assert their importance, they're often craving validation and recognition. Instead of trying to make them less of who they are, channel their strengths in a way that benefits the team.
Here's how to do it using the "Fuel Their Fire" approach:
F – Find out what they need.
Difficult but talented colleagues usually have a strong need, whether it's recognition, autonomy, or being seen as an expert. Listen carefully and observe their patterns. Do they push their ideas harder when they feel ignored? Do they need public acknowledgment? Understanding their motivators is key.
Fun fact: According to a study by Nectar HR, 83.6% of employees felt that meaningful recognition impacts their job satisfaction. (https://nectarhr.com/blog/employee-recognition-statistics)
U – Understand their strengths.
Strip away the frustrating behaviours and look at what they genuinely do well. Are they a strategic thinker? An innovative problem-solver? A persuasive communicator? Focus on their contributions, not just their delivery.
E – Elevate their role strategically.
Instead of letting them take over meetings or drain team morale, give them a meaningful challenge - one that matches their strengths and allows them to channel their energy productively. Assigning them a high-stakes project or an advisory role can shift their focus from 'proving themselves' to 'delivering results'.
L – Leverage their energy for team success.
When people feel valued and important, their disruptive behaviours often fade. Once they're engaged in a meaningful way, help them integrate better into the team by acknowledging their strengths in a structured, balanced manner.
Fun fact: Employees who feel recognized are 18 times more likely to deliver outstanding work. Gallup research shows that highly engaged workplaces experience 23% greater profitability, 18% higher productivity, 78% less absenteeism, and 21% lower staff turnover. (https://www.selectsoftwarereviews.com/blog/employee-recognition-statistics)
I’ve seen this strategy work time and time again. A talented but difficult team member doesn’t need to be sidelined or fought, they need a smarter leadership approach. By shifting the focus from frustration to elevation, you can turn a challenging personality into an incredible asset.