After almost 20 years of coaching, training leaders and consultants, and teaching others how to take a coaching approach, there's one indicator I’ve come to trust as a signal of true coaching maturity.

It’s not how clever your questions are.
It’s not how many frameworks you can quote.
It’s not even how much experience you’ve clocked up.

It’s this: your relationship with silence.

Early in your coaching journey, silence can feel like a threat. You ask a question and... nothing. Just air. And suddenly, your brain kicks into gear:

“Did they understand me?”
“Are they disengaged?”
“Maybe I should rephrase it?”
“Should I just answer for them?”

Before you know it, you’ve stepped in to rescue the moment. But the truth is, silence didn’t need rescuing—you did.

The newer coach often makes silence about them. They interpret it as failure. As awkward. As empty space that needs to be filled.

But here’s the shift that marks real coaching maturity: the experienced coach sees silence differently. They trust it. They let it breathe. They understand that when someone goes quiet after a powerful question, it usually means the question is working.

Silence becomes a sign that reflection is happening. That the other person feels safe enough to pause. To think. To reach for something true, not just something fast.

An experienced coach doesn’t interrupt that process—they honour it.

So here’s a quick self-check:

Think back to the last time you asked a team member or client a big question. What did you do when they didn’t answer straight away?
Did you rush to fill the gap?
Or did you let the silence do the heavy lifting?

This isn’t about judging yourself—it’s about noticing. Awareness is how we grow. And growing into your coaching maturity isn’t about getting it all right; it’s about learning to trust more, and control less.

And next time silence shows up after one of your questions, try this:
Lean back. Breathe.
And remind yourself:
“This isn’t awkward. This is the work.”