When you walk into a room or meet someone new, your brain is already doing the maths. Unconsciously, it starts scanning: Are they more powerful than me? Less powerful than me? Are we equals?
According to David Rock’s SCARF model, status—our sense of where we sit in the social hierarchy—is one of five key domains that influence human motivation. Whether we feel superior or subordinate, dominant or submissive, has a direct impact on how safe we feel… and how willing we are to speak up.
Status isn’t just about titles, salaries or job descriptions. It’s communicated in subtle, often invisible ways. Posture. Eye contact. Tone of voice. Even the chair you sit in.
Safety Signals in Conversation
If we want people to speak up—really speak up—we need to pay attention to safety cues. One of the strongest is the feeling of being on equal footing. Not higher, not lower. Just… level. Peers. Partners. Humans having a conversation.
But we send messages about status all the time without realising it. Just like the old saying goes, “Actions speak louder than words,” your physical positioning might be saying, “I’m the boss here,” even if your words are inviting collaboration.
Take talk shows, for example.
Have a look at the images below. Notice anything?
Look at the height difference between the chairs of the hosts and their guests. What do you see?
In shows where the vibe is witty one-liners, and a bit of a sparring match—think: everyone trying to out-clever each other—the host often sits higher than the guest. Big chair, commanding view. There's a power play at work.
But, in the shows that are all about real connection? Deeper conversation? Notice how the guests and the host are at eye level. Sometimes they’re even snuggled up on a round couch, making it hard to tell who’s the interviewer and who’s being interviewed (shout out to Drew Barrymore for the most connected conversationalist).
Connection before contribution. That’s the goal.
How This Plays Out at Work
Let’s bring it back to the office.
A client of mine, a senior exec (tall, charismatic, well-meaning), once complained that one of his junior team members never spoke up. He’d pop by her desk, ask a question, and all he’d get were short, clipped answers. She seemed nervous. Guarded. Unwilling to contribute.
I asked him to describe the setting. “Well,” he said, “she’s sitting at her desk, and I’m standing next to her, looking down.”
Boom. There it was.
Status overload. He’s senior, tall, male. She’s junior, smaller, female. And on top of all that, he’s looming over her like the human version of Mount Everest.
He wasn’t trying to intimidate her. Quite the opposite—he thought he was being approachable by asking her opinion. But his unconscious status signals were drowning out his good intentions.
So, we experimented.
Next time, instead of standing, he pulled up a chair. Sat beside her. Shrunk himself physically and symbolically. Leveled the playing field.
And guess what? She started talking. More than that—she started contributing.
It wasn’t magic. It was safety.
The Status Check
If you’re a people leader (or frankly, just a human who wants better conversations), it’s worth asking yourself:
Where do I sit or stand when I talk to others?
Do I unintentionally create a height or power imbalance?
Who do I need to hear more from, and how might I be unintentionally silencing them?
The point isn’t to strip away all forms of leadership or authority—it’s to consciously manage status so it doesn’t sabotage psychological safety.
Sometimes, being a great leader isn’t about standing tall.
It’s about taking a seat.