Breakfast, lunch and dinner, all alone for 4 days. Every meal, on my own. No phone, no book, no companion, nothing. This was my conscious choice when I attended a retreat weekend to relax, rejuvenate and reconnect a few years ago. I was there on my own. I wanted time out, solitude and stillness. I wanted to sit alone and be with myself – fully. This was pre-COVID and forced isolation mind you, but still, I was content. However, others were uncomfortable with my solo dining choice. There was the odd look in my direction to see if I wanted to join a friendly group, to the straight out invitation to come and join a group at dinner, (to which I very politely and graciously declined).
I’ve always been good at doing things on my own; movies, theatre, travel. But it appears this is not very common and the solo diner is often the most pitied and disquieting solo experience of them all. When you sit and do nothing it looks like you were possibly stood up. Otherwise surely you would have a book or a phone or some other distraction to keep you occupied during this unfortunate occasion, right?
But the solo dining experience is a great way to find out how you are feeling in the moment. Could you sit in a restaurant for 45 minutes with nothing to do, whilst waiting for your meal? Maybe. Could you do it without feeling self-conscious, bored, embarrassed, frustrated, fidgety? Maybe not. And yet it’s the ultimate extreme sport when it comes to presence, connection and really being with yourself. The more you find yourself fighting the moment, the less connected you are - and the more you are able to sit calmly and confidently, and allow yourself to fully absorb the moment, the more available you are to yourself and to others.
And of course, if you are not used to doing things like this on your own, then I wouldn’t recommend 4 days of it! But if you are curious to see what comes up for you, then perhaps next time you’re out to dinner with a friend, and they leave the table for a short spell, try to resist looking at your phone, or talking to the waiter, or doing anything to lessen the discomfort of being alone with yourself and your thoughts. Go on, I promise it won’t hurt.
Now, why am I recommending this as an experiment?
“Because self-connection deepens all connections.
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When working with leaders on their communication, influence and engagement skills, I’ve noticed that the more connected people are with themselves, the better listeners they are with others. This ability to hold the space, sit in discomfort and be open to what’s happening in the moment is a super power when it comes to building trust and relationships with others.
So my question to you is, do you dare? 😊