Picture this.

You have your weekly one on one. Your team member promises to complete the inventory report for the project by next week. Next week arrives and it’s not done. What do you say?

Is it, ‘Why didn’t you complete the report?’

If you’re like most leaders, that’s exactly what you’d say. Or at least, it’s what you want to say.

‘Where’s the report? Why didn't you do it? When are you going to get it done?’

Whilst these are legitimate questions, (and maybe necessary if the team member has a habit of letting you down) they are not helpful from a motivation or commitment point of view.

Think about your own response to these questions if you hadn’t delivered on a task you promised to get done. Would you feel defensive? Would you feel embarrassed? Would you feel the need to justify or explain your actions?

Chances are you would… and you are not alone.

When we don't deliver and we know we were supposed to, we are waiting to ‘get in trouble’. Not necessarily like a child not doing their homework, or not doing their chores, (I’m sure there is no ‘time out’ involved at work), but the brain can’t tell the difference. We are expecting to get called to account. To explain; to defend; to justify. So, we arm up. We have our excuses ready, and our justifications locked and loaded. But to what end?

When we come from a place of defensiveness, we are not open to learning and improving. We are not thinking about how to be better, but rather, justifying why we are ‘not bad’.

So how do we find out why someone didn't deliver when they said they would, and how do we help them deliver for next time… without making them feel ashamed or defensive?

It’s simple…

We ask a coaching question.

But not just any coaching question. We ask a coaching question that shows we are curious about the process of how this result came to be. It’s a question that helps them take accountability for the result without creating shame. It’s a question that demonstrates we are more interested in looking forward to how to fix this, than dwelling on what’s already happened.

What is this magic question, you ask?

It’s this: “What did you prioritise instead?”

Not ‘why didn't you do it?’, but ‘what did you do instead?’

Using a light curious tone with this question shifts people from defence to dialogue through the element of surprise. Their brain is expecting a threat, but when it doesn’t arrive, it settles into regular conversation again.

When we stay open and curious about how people are getting their work done, they get the message that we are genuinely on their side, and wanting to help them be better, no judgement necessary.

And if you prefer a different question with a similar outcome, take one of these questions for a spin:

What did you spend your time on instead?

What else got completed instead?

What took your focus instead?

To get people to take responsibility for what wasn’t done, and to want to do better for next time, we need to keep them interested and open to doing better, not buffering themselves from a perceived attack. Coaching questions are the answer.

Let me know how you go!