My client had an epiphany recently. In the middle of a session, he realised that "all my life I’ve thought of myself as a good communicator because I’m comfortable speaking with others. However the truth is, being good at speaking, doesn’t mean I’m good at communicating.” And there it was; A truth bomb. It was a sobering moment for him, as he reflected on an identity he thought he knew all these years. The insight made him question what great communication really is. If it’s not about being good at speaking with others, then what is it?

Communication is not just about information. It’s not just about sharing thoughts, feelings, insights or perspectives. And it’s not just about talking. It’s a two-way flow that creates shared meaning and a sense of connection. Feeling comfortable to speak up, to share your ideas and have your say, doesn’t necessarily mean you are creating a connection with someone. Are you on the same page? Is your intention clear? Is the message understood? In a strange twist, it appears that the ability to speak well doesn’t necessarily mean you can communicate well.

So what do we do about it? Short answer is: check-in with the listener. If you want to be a great communicator, you need to first know how people receive your communication. Do they feel heard? Understood? Is there room for them in the conversation? Find out. The more you know about your communication effectiveness (from those on the ‘receiving’ end) the better equipped you will be to get better.