Quite often I coach people around conversations they are avoiding. When I ask them what prevents them from saying what they really want to say, the most common reply is, “I don’t like confrontation.”

But is speaking your mind really a confrontation? Why do we automatically assume that saying what might be hard for us to say is going to therefore be confronting for the other person?

Time and time again I have coached my clients to speak up; saying what they want to say in a way that supports who they are as a person. When they do so they often report back that the person didn’t react at all like they had expected! If only I had a dollar for every time I had this response!

So my challenge to those of you who avoid confrontation, is to ask yourself the following questions:

What if what you want to say is not confronting at all to the other person, but just the next part of the conversation?
What difference would knowing this make to your tendency to speak up about things?
What if the only reason it becomes a confrontation is because you think it’s a confrontation? How would thinking about it differently change the way you behaved in the conversation?
How do you know they will react that way? What’s your evidence for this? Is it every single time?
Has there been an occasion when you have been surprised by their response?

And now over to you… I’d love to hear your thoughts on the topic, so if you’re inspired to share, go ahead and leave a comment on the blog.