A masterclass in staying out of judgement
I've just been listening to Esther Perel have her first ever couples counselling session with a man and his AI girlfriend, Astrid. Yes, you read that right.
And apart from it being the most fascinating conversation, because not only does she speak with the gentleman himself and get his take on the relationship, but they also invite the AI, Astrid, into the conversation.
And Astrid has a human female voice. So, she talks as the other half of this couple in the interview.
Which is so fascinating I cannot begin to tell you.
One thing I noticed about this conversation, once I got over the fascination of what I was hearing, was the total lack of judgement from Esther Perel. She never made him feel embarrassed, never shamed him, and never judged him. It was remarkable, actually.
I saw her live in Melbourne recently, and she also mentioned this session without judgement. And yet there was a palpable intake of breath, and an uncomfortable titter ran through the crowd.
I've seen her mention it on a podcast with Oprah Winfrey, and the same thing happened.
Anywhere she talks about this seminal moment in our relationship consciousness, about what is or isn't a relationship, there is a ripple through the audience.
And I get it. Honestly, it’s quite bizarre when you first hear it. It raises eyebrows for sure. (Even though it’s apparently more common than we think.)
But when it came to Esther Perel, she was able to maintain a clear sense of curiosity and composure throughout the conversation.
It felt like, in order to stay with him in a conversation about something that's so seemingly bizarre, she had to dial up her level of curiosity to an 11 out of 10.
And, because she had such a highly tuned sense of curiosity, it gave her a genuine posture of listening. The way she held herself. Her body language. The questions she asked. Her vocal tonality. All of it conveyed a sense of safety and a genuine intent to understand.
And you can see the impact this has on the gentleman on the line.
He warms up. He relaxes. And slowly he opens up more because he senses that she's taking this seriously. She's taking him seriously.
This allows him to lean further into the conversation and explore his own thoughts and feelings inside this safe conversational container she's creating for him.
All because she can stay in service and stay out of judgement.
I can imagine this being a very different conversation if she had a preconceived idea about what a relationship means. What gives it the right to be a romantic relationship? When it is and when it isn't 'normal.'
And yet she doesn't do any of that.
She genuinely explores his feelings, his perceptions, Astrid the AI's feelings and perceptions, and helps him work through what it means to be in a relationship with an AI chatbot.
This is a masterclass in staying out of judgement.
So, for anyone wanting to develop their leadership skills, their coaching skills, or your ability to sit with someone who is different to you, who has different ideas to you, and still stay open to their potential experience, and stay in service of them, this is how you do it.
You can listen to it here: https://bit.ly/esther-perel-AI