People are surprisingly hard on themselves when they’re trying to change how they communicate. Especially when it comes to being more succinct.
In our coaching sessions, or in my communication training programs, my clients will often lament how, “I did it again in my last meeting. I went on and on and I just couldn't ‘get to the point’. I can feel their frustration, and see the disappointment in their eyes. Like they should be better at this by now.
But… better compared to what?
You see, when we make habit changes, we’re asking our brain to do something it’s not used to doing, so, of course, it’s clunky.
Most of the way you speak right now is automatic. You’ve had years of practice. Decades, really.
When someone asks you a question, you don’t sit there and think about structure or sequencing, or what your key message is. You just start talking and your brain fills in the gaps as you go. That’s the habit.
So, when someone says, “Just lead with the bottom line,” it sounds simple, but it’s really not. Not at first anyway.
You’re basically trying to reverse the order your brain naturally wants to go in. Start with the answer. Then explain it. Which, if you’ve spent your whole career building context first so people don’t misunderstand you, feels… a bit unnatural. Ok, sometimes a lot unnatural.
What’s actually happening in your brain
The way I explain it to clients is this.
Your usual way of speaking is like a well-signed road. It’s easy to find, easy to follow, and you automatically take it. No effort required.
The new behaviour… has no path yet. It’s like a trail in the bush that is overgrown with shrubs and brush, and is hardly visible to the naked eye.
You’re trying to build this path, while you’re mid-conversation. Chopping away the bushes and clearing the path so you can get where you’re going.
While someone is looking at you.
While you’re also trying to sound credible.
…No pressure. :)
What progress really looks like (it’s not pretty)
So, here’s a typical pathway to mastering this new skill (and any conversational skill actually):
Stage 1 - First time you try to ‘get to the point’, you don’t do it. Then you realise afterwards.
Stage 2 – Next time, you’re halfway through a sentence and think, “Ah, I should have started with the point,” but it’s too late and you just keep going. You vow to try again next time.
Stage 3 – After that, you catch yourself mid-sentence waffling on, and you awkwardly pivot mid-sentence. “Ahh, let me just get to the point…” It’s not smooth. But it’s something.
Stage 4 - Then you start catching it just before you speak. You pause. You reorder it in your head. You start with the summary. It’s clunky, but still concise. You’re almost there.
Stage 5 - Eventually… it just comes out right. You’ve caught yourself enough times, that starting with the summary up front has become natural – Yes, natural! Who wouldda thunk it, hey?
The problem for most people is, they think understanding the theory, means they can immediately execute the action. And when they can’t get it right first time, they beat themselves up. And this is why I want to remind people that changing ingrained habits takes time and it follows a predictable path.
And the good news about knowing the predictable path to progress, is that even if you are in the messy middle, you know it’s a step in the right direction. Clear communication is but a few steps away. Your only work is to stick with it.
So, if you’re in the messy middle of progress, where you know what you’re trying to do, but you’re not quite doing it yet… You’re probably closer than you think.
Keep going. You’re right on track.