Ever had critical feedback from someone you liked? How did you feel about it? What about from someone you didn’t like? How did you feel about that?
If you’re like most people, the chances are you felt ok about the first scenario (even if the message was hard to take!) and less so about the second. This is because the more we like someone the more open we are to their opinions, perspectives, insights and feedback. The lens of our mind literally opens up and lets more of the message and the full meaning in.
In contrast, the less we like someone, the less open we are to them. In fact, not only does the lens of our mind become more narrow, letting a lot less of the message in, sometimes the lens is downright closed. When we don’t like someone we judge them more harshly, forgive them less easily and often disregard their opinion altogether.
The lesson here is that the more effort we put into the relationship, the more we smooth the way for the bumpy moments ahead. We don’t have to be liked all the time, but it sure helps to be liked at least enough to be listened too.
Watch this video to hear Anneli discussing the impact of likeability on a difficult conversation, and how presenting more ‘facts’ only sets off the backfire effect and makes it even harder to hear the real message.
