No, I can’t give you the exact question, but I can give you the way to find the question.

But first some examples.

See if you can figure out the strategy I’m using before I give it to you.

Example 1 – Awards

Client – I don't think I should enter the awards because it feels too arrogant, too boastful, too icky!

Me – I won that award in the past. Do you think I am arrogant and boastful?

Client – Oh my gosh. Of course not! I think you’re amazing and deserving and I could never think that of you.

Me – So what link are you making right now between my question and your opening statement?

Client – Oh. Right. I have a belief that if I enter awards people will think I’m arrogant, but I don’t believe that about others. Sooo, people probably aren’t thinking that about me either.

…I’ll enter the awards.

Example 2 – Thank you gift

Me – What’s your mailing address please? I’d like to send you a gift of thanks for your referral.

Colleague - I appreciate it, but there’s no need for a thank you.  Easy recommendation :)

Me - I knew you would say that, so I ask you… would you shush the audience when they are applauding you?

Of course not. We must let people show their gratitude. It’s not for you, it's for them. Now, send me your address ;)

Colleague – Immediately sends me their address, with a smiley face.

What’s the magic?

So, what did you notice in those examples?

What was the magic behind the question?

It was simply this: a reframe.

A change in meaning. A new perspective on a fixed idea. It’s a classic coaching technique that helps unlock people’s thinking, move past limiting beliefs and yes, change their mind.

When people are stuck on an idea it’s because they are stuck on the one meaning. When you challenge their interpretation by nudging them toward an alternative explanation, it helps them loosen their grip on that meaning, and ultimately move forward.

Other reframe examples can include:

Next time someone seems fixed on an idea that you want to help them change, ask yourself, what meaning are they making of this, and what else could be true? How can I help them reframe this to unlock a new perspective?

Let me know how you go.