You no doubt heard the reports, saw the photos, or watched the video.

There was our Prime Minister in a very public moment, being given the cold shoulder by the outgoing Australian of the Year, Grace Tame. It was clear, she was ‘not happy Jan’.

Now, I’m not going to talk about whether that was the right thing to do, or the wrong thing to do by Grace. I’m not here to talk about the cause she is fighting for (weird I know, given it’s an IWD article), nor the politics of the day that led to this uncomfortable moment for the nation.

Nay my friends. I’m here to talk about what we can learn about our own leadership style based on our personal reaction to that moment.

• Did you feel shocked by her behaviour? Was she being rude, petulant, unprofessional?

• Did you feel empathy for her? Did she have a right to be angry and upset?

• Or maybe you oscillated back and forth as you came across different interpretations of her behaviour?

What I loved most about the discussions that ensued, was what it revealed about our human propensity to judge, and weigh in with our opinions… as if they were facts.

I read lots of comments about her motives and intentions, about the political game playing and the statement she was making. But rarely did I read questions about the context, about PTSD, about her neurodiversity and social anxiety. Rarely did I read the most important response of all – curiosity.

• I wonder what’s driving that behaviour?

• I wonder what’s going on for her, that she thinks that’s an appropriate way to behave, when most of society doesn't agree?

• I wonder if she even realises she’s doing it?

• What else am I not seeing here?

• I wonder what she has to say about all of this?

This very public, very polarising situation is an opportunity for us all to examine our default leadership style – where do you go when people don't behave as you expect them to?

What kind of leader do you become?

Are you judging, controlling, directing? (“You shouldn't do that. You mustn’t behave like that. You need to act like this instead”) – a Directive focus.

Or are you curious, empathetic, compassionate? (“I wonder what’s going on here, what’s her intention, what am I not seeing in this?”) -  a Discovery focus.

A discovery focus encourages a coaching approach. This allows us to see the intention behind the behaviour and to dig beneath the surface to find out what’s really going on, and ultimately, how to support the person to find their own way forward in future situations. Incidentally, this is how we truly #breakthebias.

A directive focus, creates a command-and-control environment. This approach sets up a parent-child dynamic and builds behaviours through punishment and reward, rather than self-exploration and critical thinking.

Whether Grace should or shouldn't have acted like that, as her boss, just telling her she was wrong would have been a poor approach to changing her behaviour.

A considered and curious coaching approach would have led to rich dialogue and a deeper understanding about the situation, for all parties. And who knows, maybe by the end we would have changed our own mind instead of trying to change her behaviour. It’s not guaranteed, but at least the possibility is on the table.

To #breakthebias once and for all we need to remember:

Before directing behaviours, we need to discover intention.

This is the cornerstone of inclusive leadership – seeking to understand the ‘edges’, before shaving them off to fit the box.

Every day we need to remind ourselves:

• Before opinions we need questions

• Before judgement we need curiosity

• Before expectations we need empathy

I’d love to know what you think.