Holding boundaries is a learnt skill.

Saying no, pushing back, being assertive is hard for most people. If it’s something you struggle with, welcome to the human race.

As someone who speaks, trains and mentors people on how to be better communicators, I often get the comment, “But it’s easy for you Anneli, you’re good at this stuff.”

To which I reply, ‘firstly, thank you, and secondly, what you see is the result of practice, training, trial and error, and years of commitment to getting better. You too can hone this skill.’

I wasn’t born with this ability. On the contrary, I feel like I had A LOT to learn about how to hold boundaries and assert my needs, in a professional manner, especially as a young woman.

Cue montage flashback….

I was 18...It was my first hospitality job, and I loved it.

Working in a little boutique restaurant, serving happy customers, making firm friends with the other staff, I was in heaven. Until the owner ripped me off.

It started out fine, I did a week of work, got my pay and all was well.

The next week, I did my work and got my pay and it was slightly less than I expected. I figured I must have got the pay rate wrong and forgot about it.

The following week it was less again. This time, I confronted the manager. He told me the rate changed depending on the tips we got. But I knew the tips were for the kitchen staff only, and weren’t for the floor staff, so this didn't make any sense… which I pointed out to him.

To which he laughed at me and told me not to worry about it. That I was just a child who was overacting for nothing.

I was incensed. I was upset and didn’t know what to do next.

With hot tears of anger streaming down my face, my body took over...I stamped my foot in rage and shouted, “You’re ripping me off and it’s not right!...” Stomp. Stomp. Stomp!

“You need to pay me what you owe me!”

No.

“Then I…. I…. I quit!” Big stomp.

I turned on my heel and marched off.

When the adrenaline wore off and I had time to calm down, I reflected on how I had handled the situation......Not my finest moment.

But that’s how life works. We live, we learn and, if we can, we do better.

Chances are, the people you admire for their ability to say no, to hold boundaries, and to assert themselves, all have their own ‘foot stomping’ example, but they got better. And so can you.

If you'd care to share any of your montage moments, I’d love to hear them!